How The Stigmas Of Mental Health Cost Me
Get that degree, get that job, get that spouse, get that master's degree, get that house, get that new car, get those kids, get that promotion, relocate, and relocate again!! Keep grinding!! Right? RIGHT?!
We live in a culture that obsesses with so called success and stigmatizes weakness and self-care. For many like myself, striving for success at all costs was my greatest driving force while also ignoring all of my internal "check engine" lights that had been on for YEARS! It is so easy to mistake functionality for being healthy and as long as success continues to flow, we think all is well. Success in and of itself is not bad, but when coupled with self-neglect and lack of rest and rejuvenation, you have created a ticking time bomb for your mental and physical health. That was my story and how I ended up waking up out of a nap to a 130+ bpm resting heart rate and the world's greatest adrenaline rush! TO THE HOSPTIAL! Is this a heart attack? Am I dying? Did I give enough to my wife and kids? Does my wife know where the life insurance papers are? Yeah I thought this was it and that feeling of invincible youth and control was GONE! What made it worse was, "Mr. Fennell, we've run a wide variety of tests over the past 4 days and everything came back normal. We think you just had a panic attack. Just try to relax." In my head, I'm thinking, "Panic Attack?! ME?! Yeah ok! Must have gotten some of the test samples mixed up. And just relax?! How does that help me? This high gear life is all I know.
The Long Journey Back Home
After leaving the hospital, I was so confused, but mostly because of denial. Admitting to my condition being a mental health issue had me fearful of:
Appearing weak, crazy, or lazy.
Needing therapy and medicine forever.
Losing my job.
Losing my friends.
None of these "perceived truths" sat well with me at all and I decided that my problem was strictly a cardio issue. Since my heart rate still was not coming down (and did not for a long time), I was open to trying other options, but I wasted so much time in the past.
Understand this: my denial fueled by the mental health stigmas made my healing journey longer and slower than necessary. The issues leading up to this point were brewing long before my actual panic attack which was preventable.
Lessons Learned
One of my best life decisions was going to see a counselor. I had no idea what to expect but when you hit a crisis point, you are more willing to try things you never considered or denied because of accepted stigmas. Counseling actually turned out to be a safe place to:
Share my thoughts and feelings
Receive insight and perspective
Be held accountable
Learn coping strategies
Practice mental health tools
Also, two of the biggest lessons it took a while to embrace were self-compassion and slowing down. Though counseling led the way for healing, I worked very closely with my general physician, cardiologist, dietician, and also started cycling and meditating regularly. Recovery has been multifaceted and full of triumphs and setbacks along the way. Most importantly, it has given me a message of hope to share with the world.
Message To The World
It is time to confront the stigmas regarding mental health so people can get the help they need instead of suffering in silence. You do not have to wait for a crisis to seek help for mental health issues. I crossed paths with many people who served as reminders to slow down and get the help I needed (for over 20 years), but the arrogance and illusion of invincibility and functionality kept me in the rat race of “success”. Later I would learn that it was not a race but an escape and avoidance of shame. As long as shame exists as the root driving force, you are always moving closer to a well-groomed crisis. Add in the stigmas and you have the perfect ingredients for a full meltdown. The good news is it does not have to happen this way.
"What Should I do?"
Start with identifying a therapist or counselor in your area
Some health insurances have services to help you identify one.
Read bios and reviews online and make sure the person specializes in the issues you want covered.
Work in parallel with your general physician and keep them updated on your status.
Consider meditating and journaling for a few minutes daily.
Consider a dietician and personal trainer.
Connect with support groups online or through local organizations.